#Bean innit

[daily-smallishbeans]

152- the two sides of hc (new) members

special thanks to @/risibledeer

[boyleblr]

SHARDLAKE (2024-) season one trailer

[ctommy-chileno]

Sometimes i rember that tommy tommyinnit and martyn from thy little wood have collabed in game and irl

[mekanikaltrifle]

Could have done without seeing that 72k notes post that's Americans making jokes about British people complaining about how mocking our dialects and food is classist. Especially since it's pretty disingenuous to act like this is somehow a valid reaction to the few arseholes who make jokes/ comments about school shootings.

That can be bad and terrible, and is, but you don't have to make British working class leftists (trying to tell you to stop adding fuel to the fire here in our country) out to be whiny little dicks.

I think working class British and American people have a lot more in common than we'd like to think, but this fucking sucks.

[ringosmistress]

HENLO AMORE MIO, MY SWEETEST GATO, MY LOML <33333

i did a questionable amount of studying for a sunday…. so…. this daily reminder is like….. almost a day late!!! but!!! IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!!! (and the thought of you keeps me going so you it's only right i send you this <3 )

anywho I HOPE YOUZ HAD A LOVLEYZ ZAY TOZAY AND KNOWZ THAT I LOVE YOUZ SO SO SO MUCH MWAH (つ≧◡≦)つ

alzo! tis is me ⬇️

Ahoy lovey! I was awaiting ye ask like a thirsty man (in this case me) awaits for water (YOU!!)

I'm sow happy ye did ye studies first!!! Good going lad! Ye making ye lady proud over here!

Ye made me day with your asks!! >_< keep going this is so gear fab!!

You're actually a pretty bird there! Mind going out with a poor old sap like me? *wink wink*

(The above was a poor impression of what I think typical english blokes sound like, since I've been a humongous fan of multiple british men 🤭 all my life)

[zebraaddictsh]

i’m actually so depressed rn i don’t have the energy to kms or relapse. the urges for both still suck tho :/ 

[neapolitantoebeans]

We don't talk a lot but as a welcome friend and valued notes-er, HAPPY NEW YEARS MY DEAR!!!!🥳🥳🥳🥂

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ELVIE!!!!

IM SO READY TO GO HOME AND SLEEP

(also feel free to send an ask or message me if you ever wanna talk, I’m terrible at reaching out to people!)

[faggilyeverafter]

Also to people saying "but British people make fun of working class Americans"

It's middle/upper-class brits who do that. You are not "punching back" you are targeting people who also suffer under the same people

Most of the “anti British memes” are just classism anti poor memes cause you ever noticed the but the of jokes are always accent’s associated with working class brits

Whenever the rich brits are mentioned it’s always in a positive manner like “ooo it’s such a cool dark academy vibe” or “oh I love there accents so formal and polite”

Like your not anti British your just classist

[iamnotapiano]

[karathraces]

the uk is so pathetic food qualitiy has been shit for years since brexit holds up produce all in the name of racism and false promises and nobody says shit and now and then when someone dares to make a reddit thread about it it’s “oh all people do on here is complain” the french would eat you for breakfast they’d have set boris on fire

[no-tengo-ojos]

Rb to scare an American

Going to do something

[madyoghurt]

soooo what about fic where hobie using y/n's moans for a song and they find out like when the song drop and they're like shocked as hell because lets be honest here he would sooo do that

"I HAVE SOMETHIN' TO SHOW YOU!" Hobie shouts from the doorway, making you drop the spoon that you were using to shove your face full of icecream a minute ago.

"Jesus christ, Hobes." You sigh, picking the spoon up off the floor. "What is it?"

He bites his lip. "Just come on!" He saids before turning around and walking out. You shrug and follow him, he leads you to the recording studio and you already think you have an idea. "You finish another song?" You ask.

"Yeah, but theres a suprise innit.." he saids before walking over to his setup. "Jus' have a listen, yeah?" You fold your arms over your chest, walking over and slumping down on an old bean bag. Hobie takes this as his cue to press play, punk music blaring through the speakers, its a good 1:30 minute song, very few lyrics, yet still getting the point across. You nod along, still not sure what to expect.

Its gets sorta quieter as a guitar riff takes lead, but its not too overpowering, making room for.. what the hell was that?

You double take, leaning foward to make sure you're not hearing things. There it is again, a desparate mewl rings through the speakers, followed by heavy pants and moans that seem to have a rythmn. Your mouth hangs open at the realization.

~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~

You're on your elbows and knees, hair swaying back and forth as Hobie fucks you from behind, nearly making you cry with how good it feels. He leans over and grabs a tape recorder from the nightstand. "You sound so beautiful, imma make a single outta this.." He pants, pressing record and placing it down infront of you. Too delirious to question Hobie, you keep gasping and whining as he fucks you from a new angle, hitting your g-spot just right.

~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~♥︎~★~

You connect the dots, standing up and walking over to him. "IS THAT ME!?" you ask, too shocked to even be mad. Hobie cant help but bite back a giggle, leaning against the desk with a hand on his hip. "What'd'ya fink?" He asks, staring at you with a shit-eating grin.

"I-" your mouth opens, but you're not even sure what to say, you dont know what to 'fink'. "Denfinetly.. creative, uhm.. I think you're insane." You say bluntly, Hobies bubbling laughter making your lips quirk up just a teeensy bit.

Wasnt sure how to finish this 😭 hope its still something

[blingblong55]

Reader, fucking cackling: British people be like “IT’s ChEwSdAy INNIT?”

Ghost: wh-

reader: British- British people be like “R YoUuu FoCkIn ShHhTepid??”

gaz, and price sighing:

Soap nods and laughs with Reader for this reason

I head canon Ghost to be like Graves, very patriotic over their country.

Ghost: oi, listen 'ere-

Soap: bri'ish people are really fucking assholes

R/N: bet he would run to us if we said we have beans on toast

Soap: bet he would also say YouTube but as... Yew Chube

Ghost: think it's funny to make fun of me accent

R/N: fink it's funneh?!

Soap: *laughs his ass off*

Ghost: alright, I've had enough

A/N: looking for jokes about this and when I searched this...well this appeared...I let out a weird laugh when I read it

[youwouldntdownloadapizza]

The Pleasures of The Unknown | Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka Experience 2024)

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

When Kate Middleton mistakenly ends up at a magical chocolate factory in Glasgow, she finds herself drawn to a mysterious cloaked figure with a penchant for dark chocolate.

pairing: Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka 2024)

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.2k

tags: crack, crack treated seriously, crack fic, smut, mild smut, finger sucking, chocolate, sex and chocolate, light BDSM, choking, thigh riding, rpf, bald harry styles, balddry, infidelity, glasgow, willy wonka experience - freeform, glasgow willy wonka - freeform, Balmoral, british royal family, unhinged innuendo

chapter warnings: smut, infidelity

Kate Middleton stared at her bangs in the Buckingham Palace bathroom mirror.

"I can't go out like this," she complained to William. "The Sun will rip me a new one!"

"Kate, my dear," he kissed her on the cheek, turning to lean against the counter. She continued tugging at her botched fringe until he took her hand. "It's just hair. It'll grow back."

"That's rich, coming from you."

William looked down at his royal bunny slippers with a frown. Even they had more hair than he did. Perhaps he should have them fashioned into a wig. He'd have to ask his frenemy, Harry Styles, for wigmaker recommendations.

"I don't know what to do." Kate looked up at her husband with tears in her eyes. He wiped them away with his royal hanky.

"I do," he smiled. Sliding his hand into his back pocket, he produced the royal AmEx.

"Take a holiday, Kate. Go to Balmoral or Hollyrood for a few weeks. Grow them out. Maybe even get that BBL you've been talking about getting. Scotland is a great place to recover from surgery. What with all the free healthcare and all, innit?" he said Britishly.

"You're so right, William. I'll leave first thing tomorrow."

---

Kate double-checked the address her husband had given her as she stepped out of her royal Uber Black.

"This can't be the right place. Balmoral was never this colorful!"

The cabbie rolled down his window. "Don't worry, ma'am, this is Willy's place! Be quick and get inside, it's looking like rain."

With a soft 'innit', the driver pulled away, and Kate was left on Willy's doorstep.

She assumed 'Willy' was short for her husband 'William', but as she entered the foyer, she began to have her doubts. The place appeared to be some sort of magical chocolate factory.

Although sparsely decorated, the place maintained some air of whimsy. Well, less of an air, more of a spritz, but clamato, clamato.

"Soo la voo," Kate shrugged, walking beneath the sparkly, styrofoam rainbow and towards whatever fate awaited her here.

"Ahh, more guests! Welcome!" A depressed-looking woman in a green wig approached her.

"Here, compliments of Willy," she said, sliding a plastic cup containing a splash of what appeared to be sparkling lemonade into Kate's left hand. Into her right went a single jelly bean.

"What is this?" Kate asked.

"Our welcome gift to you! And only $40, such a deal."

Kate supposed $40 was a fair price for such splendor. After all, if bananas were $10, this was surely worth four times that. She popped the jelly bean and washed it down with the lemonade.

"Carry on down the hallway. Your future awaits."

Kate left her luggage and her empty cup with the so-called Oompa Loompa and proceeded down the bare linoleum hallway. That uncanny-valley candy landscape tapestry really ties the place together, she mused.

A voice greeted her at the end of the hall.

"What. Is. That?" A blonde man in a red top hat and coattails pointed towards an unassuming mirror.

Why, that's me! Kate Middleton! Kate Middleton thought to herself.

Kate nearly leaped out of her skin when the creature emerged from behind the looking glass.

"It's...THE UNKNOWN!!"

That's when Kate fainted.

When she awoke, her head was spinning. "Where am I?" She asked to the blackness that surrounded her.

A deep voice answered her. "You're in the walls. This is my home. My own dark chocolate factory."

"Your what?" Kate asked.

As her eyes adjusted, she realized she was in a small bedroom combined with a confectionary workspace, almost a studio apartment of sorts.

"My dark chocolate factory. You see, Willy Wonka seeks only to pump this world full of river-churned, high-fructose, milky delicious bullshit. What I aim to create is something far more sophisticated. Far more complex. And far, far darker."

"Oh? Might I try some?"

"Why of course," the silver-masked, black-hooded creature pulled back its sleeve to reveal long, nimble fingers.

He crossed to his chocolate worktable and dipped his index and middle fingers into a whirring chocolate fountain. The creature stalked towards her, extending the sample.

Kate leaned towards him, but froze. "Before I suck on your fingers, I should probably know your name."

The creature angled his head, as if considering her. "I have no name. I am only...The Unknown."

Kate's heart raced in her chest. That chocolate, those fingers, it all looked simply divine. And if William could be unfaithful, why couldn't she do the same? She deserved it, just this once. As a treat.

She opened her mouth, and The Unknown slid his fingers past her lips. She sucked deeply, the flavor sliding across her tongue and down her throat, the complex flavor and intensity of the delivery method sending shivers down her spine.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

"A bit," Kate admitted.

"Well then," she could hear the smirk in his voice even if she couldn't see it on his face. "Perhaps I'll have to warm you up myself."

Kate bit her lip. "Would you...put your willy? In my chocolate factory?"

His fingers closed around her throat. She drew a sharp breath.

She could feel his breath as he whispered in her ear, "Forget willies. Forget chocolate factories. Allow yourself to submit, to embrace the pleasures of The Unknown."

Kate let out a shuddering breath as she gazed up at that shiny mask. She didn't know what lurked behind it. She didn't care.

She kissed him then, the plastic of his mask hard against her soft lips. And then she was sprawled on the bed, his knee between her legs, and she was grinding against him.

"Oh, The Unknown!" She moaned.

"Please, there's no need for formality. Call me The."

So Kate did. She sounded like the gilded first word of a sponge's term paper as she wailed his name over and over again, into the dark stillness of this secret room behind the walls.

"I'm close," Kate moaned.

"Good girl."

He leaned down to kiss at her neck. The rough edges of the cheap mask scratched at her sensitive skin, but she didn't care. She was lost in the pleasures of The Unknown.

It was the hair that brought her to the edge, something her husband could never give her. The chemical scent of his cheap, black wig filled her nostrils as she rode his thigh, dangling there on the precipice.

"Ohh!" Kate screamed as she came, her thighs shaking with pleasure as she clenched around nothing.

A low, satisfied chuckle rumbled at her throat, and she swooned. After all these years of marriage, William had never rocked her world like this masked stranger just had. As they lay there together, she slipped into the chocolatey darkness of slumber, utterly content.

---

When Kate returned home, butt bigger and bangs longer, William had wanted to hear about her experience in Scotland.

"What was your favorite part?" He asked.

"I learned a lot about myself on this trip," she told him. "But the most valuable lesson was in learning to embrace the pleasures of the unknown."

"See, a little uncertainty is good sometimes!" He teased, tugging on her much-improved bangs before giving her a soft kiss.

"Mm," he smacked his lips. "Tastes like chocolate."

[eternallyfatedjadedspaded]

don't you dare put that thing back where it came from, or so help me! *Demonic seductress dance version of the monsters inc. musical number ensues*

i feel like i should be covering my eyes. put it away like my god save some for the rest of us t-boys *eyeroll*

[lyrakanefanatic]

i would give so much money to be have a british accent like pleeeeeaaasee let it be socially acceptable for me to go outside and say “that’s wanker!” without getting weird looks (im canadian)

let me have a cup of tea and a bota of wotah whenever im thirsty, and then once i need to pee from all the tea and wotah please let me say “i need to go to the loo”.

ITS MY ONE DREAM LIKE STOP I WAS MEANT TO BE BRITISH LADS 😢😢

let me ask people “are u in the queue?” when i’m not sure if they’re in line or not, let me bow my top hat and say “it’s chewsday innit” as conversation whenever it’s tuesday, let me start off all my mornings with a cup of tea and some beans on toast, please it’s my dying wish 🙏🙏